Who's on First: Lucky Star Style
by Miz-KTakase
Summary: Abbott and Costello's classic bit, "Who's on First", gets the Lucky Star treatment. A Lucky Channel segment, in which starts the upcoming baseball season, and Akira Kogami is thinking of starting her own team, after learning about the players. But when Akira name the players, Minoru Shiraishi is trying to ask Who, What, or Why... and then others. Rated T for mild language


_**LUCKY CHANNEL!**_

Akira cheered on, to the 4th wall, "HIYA, LUCKIES!"

She continued, in a cheerful voice, wearing a _**St. Louis Cardinals**_ jersey and cap, "Hey, sports fans! Can you believe that baseball is around the corner? It means the start of something big! So, grab your Louisville Sluggers, your ballpark franks, and your sunflowers seeds! I'm your sole navigator, Akira Kogami!"

Minoru, wearing a _**Texas Rangers**_ uniform, introduced, "And I am relief pitcher for Akira-Sama, Minoru Shiraishi."

Akira smiled, "As you know, baseball's around the corner in both America and Japan, and we're wearing our colors, in an American style!"

Minoru said, "We are wearing Major League jerseys. Akira-Sama is wearing the Cardinals' jersey. The St. Louis Cardinals are the defending World Champions."

Akira snuffed, "Whereas you are wearing… _Loser Attire!_"

Minoru huffed, "At least _they _won a pennant…"

Akira smirked, "St. Louis has got a lot of star players… Too bad _**Pujols**_ is gone… But they got a LOT of weird names. Pujols… Feh."

Minoru stated, "Isn't that a name for the Dominican Republic?"

"Maybe… But ever since winning, it's downhill. Look at the Yankees; they won a World Series, and then **_Hideki Matsui_** left."

She groaned, "Stupid _**A-Rod**_. He _finally _gets a ring, while he used to be in Texas."

Minoru exclaimed, "Didn't he used to be with the Rangers, after losing _**Soriano**_?"

Akira shouted, "NAMES! They're all stupid! Whatever happened to _**Suzuki**_, _**Fukudome**_, or _**Dice-K**_? Where's _their _popularity? HUH?"

Akira smiled, "Luckily, I'd be happy to tell you that I can form a team."

Minoru asked, "You do? How so?"

Akira said, "Well, on _my _team, the Kogami Tigers, I would have a big infield. On the Tigers team, we have Who, _**who's on First**_, What, who is on Second, and I Don't Know, who's on Third."

Minoru asked, "Are you gonna tell me? Why are you asking me?"

"I _am _telling you! Who's on first, What's on second, and I Don't Know is on third! God, you're so redundant!"

"No, I mean, are you gonna tell me who the first baseman is?"

"Yes."

"Who's on first?"

"Yes."

"I mean, the man on first base!"

"Who."

"The player on your team, for the Tigers!"

"Who."

"The guy on first!"

"Who's on First!"

Minoru inquired, "What are you asking me for?"

Akira shouted, "I'm not _asking _you! I'm _telling _you! Who's on first!"

"I'm asking _YOU _who's on first!"

"That's the man's name!"

"Whose name?"

"Yes."

"Go ahead and tell me!"

"Who!"

"The guy on first!"

"Who!"

"THE FIRST BASEMAN!"

"WHO'S ON FIRST!"

Minoru calmed down, "Akira-Sama, come on! You have to tell me!"

Akira smiled, "It would be fun, until _someone _ruins the act! I'm telling you, if I _had _a team, Who's on First-."

"I'm asking you! Who's on first?"

"Yes."

"Yes is on the team, or who is?"

"Yes."

"Who is?"

Minoru sighed, "Wait… Okay, let's start over… What is the name of the first baseman?"

Akira retorted, "No, no… _What _is on second base."

"I'm not asking you who's on second!"

"Who's on first!"

"That's what I wanna know!"

"Well, don't blow a vein, _Sebastian_!"

"I'm not. I want to know who the player is on Second Base…"

"Who's on first!"

"What?"

"No, What's on second!"

"I'm not asking you who's on second!"

"Who's on first!"

"That's what I wanna find out!"

"I'm not changing the players, you know!"

"I'm changing _NOBODY!_"

He calmed down and asked, "Well, if you have the money for it, for any first baseman, who gets the money?"

Akira answered, signaling the money gesture, "Yes. _Every _Yen of it."

She sighed, "After all, he's entitled to it. He earns it."

"Who does?"

"Absolutely."

"So, who gets it?"

"Why shouldn't he? Sometimes his wife comes and gets it, though."

"Whose wife?"

"Yes…"

She let out a sneer and asked, "You want to know, right? After all, you know who's on first, right?"

Minoru pouted, "I don't know…"

Akira called, "No, he's on _third_! We're not talking about him."

Minoru asked, "How did I get on third base?"

"You mentioned his name."

"If I mention the third baseman's name, then who's on third?"

"No, Who's on first!"

"STAY OFF OF FIRST, WILL YA? Just tell me. What is the guy's name on third or first?"

"Neither. What's on second."

"I'm not asking you who's on second."

"Who's on first!"

"I don't know!"

"He's on third!"

"There I go, on third, again!"

"Well, I cannot change their names!"

"Please, stay on third base, and stay there!"

Minoru then asked, "I want to know the name of the Third baseman's name?"

"I Don't Know." Akira smiled.

"You don't?"

"I do!"

"What's his name?"

"That's the second baseman!"

"I wasn't asking you who's on second!"

"Who's on first!"

"I don't know!"

They both said, "Third base…"

Minoru then asked, "So, now that that's settled, what about your outfield? It wouldn't be a team, without it."

Akira smiled, "Oh, yes. Now, we got a very strong left fielder."

"What's the name?"

"Why."

Minoru paused and said, "I don't know. I thought I'd ask you."

"I thought I'd tell you."

"So, who's playing Left Field?"

"_Who's _playing first!"

Minoru yelled, "STAY OUT OF THE INFIELD! What is the left fielder's name?"

Akira shouted, "What is on second base!"

"I'm not asking you who-!"

"Who's on first; before you even finish!"

"I don't know!"

They both said, "Third base…"

Minoru declared, "And the left fielder? How-?"

"Oh, no!" Akira smiled, "That's the right fielder."

"How?"

"Exactly."

"Why?"

"That's the _left_ fielder."

"Which is it? The left or right?"

"The left fielder is Why…"

"Because-."

"_He's _Center Field."

Minoru groaned, as Akira snickered, "You are so stupid…"

"No, Akira-Sama, I'm confused by your team… But wouldn't it need a pitcher?"

"Yes. I got a lot of pitchers. But _one _pitcher made it all possible."

"And his name is?"

"Tomorrow…"

"What? We're out of time?"

"NO! Do you _hear _the theme?"

"Then tell me the pitcher's name?"

"Tomorrow."

"What time?"

"What time _what_?"

"What time tomorrow are you going to tell me who's pitching?"

Akira growled, "For the last time, Who is on-!"

Minoru shouted, "I'd break your arms, if you dare say "Who's on First?"!"

He declared, "I wanna know what the pitcher's name!"

"What's on Second!"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

Akira and Minoru calmly said, "Third base…"

Akira said, "Maybe I can clear this up. The Catcher we have… his name is Today."

"And tomorrow is Pitching."

"Now, you got it."

"Well, I _am _surprised. Akira-Sama's team has a couple of days on this team."

"Well, I cannot help it! What do you want me to do? We can win Koshien!"

"Hey, Akira-Sama… I can play catcher on your team, since I was once a voice actor."

"I think maybe I can-."

"Here's how: There's a heavy hitter on place, while Tomorrow is on the mound, while I am behind the plate. Tomorrow throws the ball, and the guy bunts the ball. Now, _**when he bunts the ball, in fair territory**_, that's when I step in and grabbed the ball and throw it to Who, just to throw him out. That's me, being a good catcher."

Akira smiled, "That's the first thing, _for once_, you said right."

Minoru shouted, "I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!"

Akira said, "That's all you have to do! Throw it to first base!"

"So, who's got it?"

"Naturally!"

"Who has it?"

"Naturally… That's all."

Minoru continued, "So, I throw the ball to Naturally, and he-."

"NO!" Akira shouted, "I mean, throw the ball to first base!"

"Then who gets it?"

"Naturally!"

"Fine… I throw the ball to Naturally!"

"YOU DON'T! You throw it to Who!"

"Naturally!"

"Well, yes. Say it that way."

"That's what I said."

"You did not."

"I said that I throw the ball to Naturally!"

"No, you don't! You throw it to Who!"

"Okay. Naturally gets the ball."

"NO! To Who! You throw the ball to first base!"

"And who has it?"

"Naturally!"

"_You _ask me."

"You throw the ball to Who."

"Naturally."

"Exactly."

"SAME AS YOU! That's what I was talking about! I throw the ball to Naturally!"

"You throw it to Who!"

"Naturally!"

"Then say it, that way!"

"That's what I am saying! I throw the ball to first-."

"And then Who gets it!"

Minoru sighed, and shouted, "He _better _get it!"

Akira scoffed, "Yeah, he better get it. Forget about who…"

He continued, "So, I throw the ball to first base, and _whoever it is _drops the ball. The batter that hits the ball goes to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What, who throws it to I Don't Know, and back to Tomorrow. A _**Triple Play**_!"

Akira smiled, "It could be."

Minoru stated, "Another batter would hit the ball, and it's a long fly ball to Because."

He ranted, "Why? I don't know (He's on third) _**and I DON'T CARE**_!"

Akira asked, "Huh?"

Minoru sighed, "I don't care…"

Akira cheered, "OH! That's our shortstop!"

The _Lucky Channel _theme plays, as Minoru crashed down, anime-style.

Akira then spoke, in a cheerful voice, "Aw, no! We're out of time! I'm so sorry we took too long, baseball fans! We'll do better, next time! So, for all of us in Lucky Channel, good luck for the upcoming baseball season, no matter who, or what, you cheer for!"

Minoru then said, "And we'll see you in the next episode."

Akira waved, "_Bye-Nee~!_"

Minoru sighed, "Yeah…"

_**Lucky Channel!**_

(Akira): I knew we'd play that trendy comedy bit on Lucky Channel, we'd get praised.  
>(Minoru): Won't we get in trouble for it?<br>(Akira): _Animaniacs _did it… and I think there were some fics that did it, too.  
>(Minoru): Uh… Like what?<br>(Screen shuts off)

* * *

><p>FAQS:<p>

_**St. Louis Cardinals – **__Major League Baseball's current World Champions; founded in 1882, as the St. Louis Brown Stockings, before joining the National League, ten years later_

_**Texas Rangers – **__The current American League Champions, winning in 2010 and 2011; established in 1961, once known as the Washington Senators_

_**Albert Pujols – **__An ace batter and first baseman for the St. Louis Cardinals; currently plays for the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim_

_**Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez – **__Third Baseman for the New York Yankees_

_**Hideki Matsui - **Japanese baseball player; DH for the New York Yankees; retired in 2009, after the Yankees won the 2009 World Series  
><em>

_**Alfonso Soriano – **__Mentioned by Minoru, Alfonso Soriano used to play for the Yankees, before traded for A-Rod from Texas; Soriano is the Outfielder for the Chicago Cubs_

_**Ichiro Suzuki – **__Outfielder for the Seattle Mariners_

_**Kosuke Fukudome – **__Japanese player for the Chunichi Dragons; outfielder for the Chicago White Sox; started his MLB career with the Chicago Cubs in 2008_

_**Daisuke Matsuzaka – **__Nicknamed "Dice-K"; Starting pitcher for the Boston Red Sox_

_**Who's on First? **__– the popular comedy/baseball act from Bud Abbott and Lou Costello; in this story, Akira and Minoru parody the act, which had no name for the Right Fielder_

"_**When he bunts the ball, in fair territory…" – **__If a player bunts the ball, with two strikes, landing on foul territory, the player is out._

_**Triple Play – **__One of the most difficult plays in baseball, in which you tag out ALL three runners in one inning and at-bat._

"…_**and I DON'T CARE!" – **__The original line in the end was "..and I DON'T GIVE A DARN!", which doesn't matter, anyway. Both "I Don't Care" and "I Don't Give a Darn" both play shortstop._


End file.
